We’ve all been guilty of it. 

Someone hurts our feelings. A coworker irritates us. A family member says something at dinner that deserves an entire follow-up meeting.

And, instead of saying what we're really feeling, we smile and insist we're fine.

Sometimes, that's probably the sensible choice. Not every emotion needs to become a therapy session.

But, regularly pushing our feelings down is a little bit different. 

Research suggests that, while we may be perfectly capable of hiding an emotion from everyone else, that doesn't necessarily make the emotion disappear.

Our Feelings Don't Always Get the Memo

One of the most interesting studies on emotional suppression is wonderfully simple.

Back in 1993, researchers asked 85 adults to watch a film that was designed to provoke disgust. 

Some were told to behave normally, while others were asked to hide their emotional reactions so that anyone watching wouldn't know that they were feeling anything.

The second group pulled it off. They showed less emotion on the outside.

Inside, though, they still said they felt the emotion. 

The researchers also found changes in their physiological responses, including signs of increased activity in the sympathetic nervous system.

So, apparently, "I'm fine" can be quite convincing.

But, our bodies may remain unconvinced.

Bottling Things Up Can Be Stressful

That doesn't mean biting our tongue during one annoying conversation is going to damage our nervous systems.

The research is far more nuanced than that.

A 2023 review looked at 24 studies examining emotional suppression and the body's response to stressful laboratory situations. 

When the researchers specifically instructed the participants to suppress their emotions, they tended to show greater physiological stress responses than the control groups.

The effect wasn't enormous, and the findings varied, depending on what the researchers measured and how the studies were conducted.

Still, it suggests that hiding what we're feeling can require a little extra work from our bodies.

To no surprise, pretending everything’s peachy isn't always a relaxing activity.

Our Relationships May Notice, Too

Emotional suppression doesn't happen in a vacuum. 

Usually, there's another human standing somewhere nearby wondering why we're saying "nothing" in that one particular tone.

In a 2003 experiment, researchers paired women who didn't know each other and asked them to discuss an upsetting topic. 

Some participants were instructed to suppress their emotional behavior, and those conversations didn't go particularly well.

Suppression disrupted their communication, reduced their rapport, and made it harder for the women to form a connection. 

In one of the experiments, their blood pressure increased, not only in the women suppressing their emotions, but also in their conversation partners.

So, while we may think we're keeping our feelings to ourselves, sometimes, the person sitting across from us is involved, whether we like it or not.

Mental Health Is Part of the Picture

There's also evidence linking emotional suppression with lower measures of mental well-being.

A 2014 meta-analysis brought together 48 studies involving more than 21,000 people. 

Expressive suppression was associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, and negative emotions.

But, the important word there is associated.

That research doesn't prove that hiding our emotions directly causes anxiety or depression. Our feelings are considerably more nuanced than that.

It does, however, add to a larger body of research suggesting that regularly suppressing our emotions may not be the best long-term strategy.

This Doesn't Mean We Have to Say Everything

There’s an important difference between suppressing every uncomfortable emotion and having a filter.

Sometimes, we need a minute before talking. 

Sometimes, we're at work. 

Sometimes, we're angry and know that whatever comes out of our mouths in the next 30 seconds should probably remain an unpublished draft.

Managing an emotion isn't necessarily the same thing as pretending it doesn't exist.

We can notice that we're angry without yelling. 

We can admit that something hurt without immediately confronting the person who hurt us. 

And we can give ourselves a little time to figure out what we're feeling before deciding what, if anything, we want to do about it.

The goal isn't to narrate every emotional fluctuation to everyone within earshot.

Maybe Fine Isn't Always Fine

There are plenty of moments when smiling, carrying on, and dealing with our feelings later on is exactly what the situation calls for.

The trouble may come when "later" quietly turns into "never."

Hiding an emotion won’t stop us from experiencing it, and routinely suppressing our feelings may impact our stress levels and connections with other people.

While we don't need to turn every bad mood into a family meeting, every now and then, "I'm not fine yet," may be a perfectly reasonable answer.

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