Remember when making friends was as simple as showing up at school? We sat beside someone in class, discovered we liked the same things, and suddenly had a new best friend. No scheduling required.

Fast-forward a few decades, and making friends is surprisingly complicated. Between work, family, and all our established routines, meeting new people isn’t always easy. If making friends feels harder than it used to, there are a few reasons why.

We Want Friends, So What’s Stopping Us?

Here’s an interesting contradiction. According to AARP’s Friendship Study, 95% of Americans feel friendships are essential to a happy, healthy life. Nearly 9 in 10 are open to making new friends, yet almost half say doing so is more difficult with age.

So, what’s getting in the way? For starters, we’re busy. Unlike our school days, adulthood doesn’t automatically put us in the same room with potential friends for several hours a week.

We have to make those opportunities ourselves, and, sometimes, finding an afternoon for coffee requires more coordination than a two-week vacation in Greece. 

Friendship Needs More Than a Group Chat

Technology has made keeping in touch easier than ever. We can send a quick message, share a funny video, or catch up with someone who lives thousands of miles away.

But, there’s a difference between knowing what someone’s doing and spending meaningful time together over a cup of tea. AARP’s research found that adults are seeing friends less frequently in person and relying more on digital communication.

While texting certainly has its place, it doesn’t replace the enjoyment of sitting across from someone and having a proper conversation. And, sometimes, those unplanned conversations are where friendships really begin.

The Secret Might Be Showing Up Again

There’s some fascinating research behind the idea that friendships take time. In a University of Kansas study, communication researcher Jeffrey Hall said it takes about 40 to 60 hours with someone to develop a casual friendship. And, even still, becoming good friends may require more than 200 hours. That’s a lot of coffee dates!

Fortunately, we don’t need to schedule hundreds of hours of socializing just to find a buddy. Regular activities create opportunities to naturally become familiar with new people. Joining a book club, volunteering, or attending a weekly class gives us the chance to see the same faces consistently. And some of those familiar faces might go on to become dear friends. 

Your Next Best Friend Might Surprise You

Who says your next friend needs to be your age? AARP found that 54% of adults have friendships with someone from another generation, meaning they’re at least 15 years apart. These relationships often develop through shared hobbies or everyday interactions.

That gives us another reason to keep an open mind when meeting people. Someone who’s 20 years older or younger might share our sense of humor or enthusiasm for a particular hobby. Friendships should never come with an age requirement.

Maybe It’s Time to Make the First Move

Making friends as an adult requires a little more intention than it did when we were children. But, the good news is that plenty of people are interested in making new connections, even if they’re not quite sure where to begin.

So, the next time you enjoy chatting with someone at a class or community event, suggest getting coffee sometime. You might not become best friends overnight, but every friendship has to start somewhere. And who knows? Maybe someone else has been hoping you’d ask.

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